In a week notable for its scientific announcements– Nobel prizes handed out, the People’s Republic of China announcing plans to put a man on the moon by 2010, and the first election of a cyborg to higher office– you’d expect The Onion to come through with news of Celine Dion Secluded In Lab Developing New Perfume

Sequestered in her private laboratory near Goodsprings, Celine Dion has demanded that no one disturb her until the next scent in her perfume line is complete, her manager and husband Ren Angelil announced Monday.