From The Onion:
Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress
FANG ISLAND—U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has opened his fortified island headquarters to participants in his second no-holds-barred martial arts tournament, the enigmatic mastermind announced Monday.
“Warriors of the world, hear me,” said Rumsfeld, seated on the onyx throne overlooking the fighting arena at the island’s central volcano, surrounded by a phalanx of exotic but murderous beauties and his seven-foot-tall guard Omarra. “I declare the Eagle Fist all-styles, hand-to-hand combat world championship open once more. For the next 10 days, the world’s mightiest fighters will come together here at Fang Island to compete for a prize of $1 million and the post of Associate Secretary Of Full-Contact Defense!”
Rumsfeld then declared the tournament open by symbolically shattering a block of obsidian with his prosthetic dragon’s claw—the powerful weapon grafted onto his right wrist after 2003 champion Li severed his hand with manji butterfly swords.
Isn’t it scary how plausible this is? I for one have absolutely no problem imagining the OSD doing something like this.
It would explain a lot, actually.
The only question is, what’s John Poindexter’s role in all this?